what kind of mother?

what kind of mother do i want to be?

this question has been on my mind for a while now. it's a hard one because i feel like the answer is constantly changing. as my babies grow their needs change. my role continues to change. i've only been a mother for just over 3 years now. that isn't long but i feel like i've had to be 30 different kinds of "mom" in those 3 years. 

when i look around with naive eyes i see a world that is dark, scary, full of evil and hate. instantly i want to take my two sweet pure babies and hide them away in the mountains where no one and nothing can touch us. 

but then i look again. and sometimes i have to really really look. but i see good. i see the sweet grandma riding her bike to deliver notes to neighbors and family. i see the sweet elementary kids walking home from school and saying nice things about the other kids. i see the other mom at the park, almost due with baby #3, in the sand with her kids making castles and houses for the pretend princesses. 

the world tries to tell me what kind of mother i should be. sometimes it's the mother that starts a business on the side and makes it big time. or other times is the mother that takes her kids to museums every other day. or the mother with the perfectly clean house and perfectly polished kids. and most of the time it's all of those at once. 

now don't get me wrong...none of those things are bad. on the contrary i think they all are great. 

but i've found that the most important thing about being a mother is my relationship with god. 

every time i question how i'm doing or what i should be doing the only answer i truly get is "come unto me". 

so what kind of mother do i want to be? yes i'll admit it, i want to be the fun mom. i want to be the smart mom who teachers her children about math, and science and art. i want to be the put together mom who can juggle errands and cleaning and play. i want to be the on hands and knees mom who plays with my kids, gets dirty with them, finger paints and laughs with them. i want to be the go to mom who knows how to answer any other mom's questions because i know it all. yes, i want to be that picture perfect instagram mom. 

but like most things in life we don't always get what we want. 

when i have this picture in my head of what kind of mother i should be i get disappointed. i've found it's physically and mentally impossible to be "that" mother. the one the world say i should be. or the one i've imagined in my head. 

so when i get disappointed or discouraged i hit my knees. i pray and pled to heavenly father for direction. and time after time i get the simple response "come unto me". 

so what kind of mother do i want to be? or more correctly what kind of mother do i need to be for my children?

the kind of mother that puts god first, above everything else. the kind of mother who chooses the right. who will fight for the good and for her family. the mother who studies the scriptures and pours her heart out to heavenly father. the mother who pleads each day for patience to mother with kindness and charity. the kind of mother who is soft spoken, and honest and trustworthy. the kind of mother who sees the good in the world. the kind of mother who shares the light and joy of the gospel to her babies. the kind of mother who is a disciple of christ. 

that is the kind of mother i want to be. the kind of mother i need to be. the kind of mother my father in heaven needs me to be. 

it may seem easy to say that is the kind of mother i need to be. but easier said then done. 

so how do i be that kind of mother?

come unto him.

that short and sweet answer that i keep getting over and over again. "come unto me".

so that is what i am going to work hard to do. each and every day. some days are better then others. but each day i am grateful for a new chance to try again. 

i am the kind of mother who strives each day to come unto him. and when i fail (which i do time and time again), because of him, i can  pick up and try again tomorrow. 

that is what kind of mother i want to be.