our 4th family birthday party

we celebrated our 4th anniversary on july 29th. we were still in baby mode big time and so we didn't do too much. but we couldn't let the day pass without a little family celebration. it was after all, our family birthday. so we decided last minute to throw a little birthday party. 

i actually did my hair for the first time in...well weeks probably. i had to send a picture to the mr. to prove it. i didn't get to the make-up part but hey...one step at a time right?

one of our most recent traditions has been making steak dinner together for our family birthday party. the mr. came home from school and together we put together an amazing meal. i picked up some blackberry soda and called it a day!

 words cannot describe how grateful i am for this boy. i am so grateful for him picking me to be his family. i spent all day telling gwen all about my boyfriend, about how much i loved him and how incredible he is. i told her about the first few years of our family and how lucky she was to be part of our family (i'm allowed to say that right...haha). she seemed very excited to have a family birthday party as well ;-)

we couldn't call it a family birthday party without our favorite sprinkles cupcakes!

after our little celebration we put the bug down for bed and cuddled up to watch our wedding video. it was the most perfect anniversary celebration and even more perfect family birthday party. our little family keeps getting better and better each year! 

gwendolyn elizabeth...two months

so this post is just a few weeks old but i didn't want to pass up the chance to post an update on our gwennie girl! 

our sweet gwen turned two months on august 24th. i can't believe how fast the time has gone. of course we had to pull out the camera and do a little two month photo shoot. one of these days my picture taking skills will improve. until then this is what we have to work with.

gwen at two months:

-this little girl is still the light in our lives. she is so much fun to be around.

-she has started smiling and it's the sweetest thing. mornings are her prime smile time

-at her two month appointment (a couple of weeks late) she weighed 8 pounds 12 ounces and was 20.25 inches long

-she is eating like a champ. she will down a 4 oz bottle no problem.

-she doesn't love tummy time but loves to fall asleep on her tummy when laying on dads chest

-she loves her mammaroo and it has saved us a time or two

-she has just started to notice objects and has started to coo at them (melt my heart cute)

-she loves her daddy and lights up when he gets home

-she is still in her newborn clothes. every once in a while we pretend she is big and put on a 0-3 outfit. 

-she flew on her first plane after her two month birthday and she was a champ

-she has had some major issues with gas. we're working on this one

-she still loves to be talked to and sang to. its our favorite time of the day just chatting together

-lately she is loving her "alone" time. i'll put her in her crib or lay her on the floor and she will just smile and coo for 20 or so minutes.

-she still loves her bink. maybe one day she'll discover her hands and go for the thumb suck. until then we consider the bink our best friend.

-for the most part she only cries if she is tried, hungry or gassy.

-she is sleeping 5-7 hours at night and we couldn't be happier about that

-she is still the sweetest little thing

we are loving seeing her little personality come out. i have a feeling we are in for some adventures with this little one but i couldn't be more excited to see what she throws at us. 

another year down in the windy city!

august 6th was our 2nd anniversary of living in chicago. honestly i can't believe it's only been 2 years. when people ask us how long we've been here my first reaction is to say 3 years. maybe thats because the mr. is in his 3rd year of med school. it feels like we've been here for so long mostly because so much has happened. 

this past year was the best yet here in chicago. well maybe the best subtract the winter. that was bad. but other than that it was an amazing year. 

we moved into a new apartment. we discovered our love of lickity split. we made new friends. we had great times with old friends. i started working downtown. we saw the bears play. we saw the cubs play. we survived the polar vortex. we survived the second polar vortex. the mr. finished year two of medical school. the mr. dominated his boards. we found out we were expecting for the forth time. we watched my big belly grow. we welcomed sweet gwen into our family. 

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i think it's safe to say this year in chicago will be one we will always remember and cherish. even though it was the last place i expected us to be, it has been the most perfect place for us to be! 

i can't believe we are more than halfway done with our time here in chicago. i'm both excited and sad about the idea of leaving. but luckily we still have some time!

so here is to another year in the windy city. i am excited for all the new adventures we're going to have and even more excited to experience this next year with gwennie girl added to the mix! 

oh and basically we're chicago experts now so if you want to come visit now is the time....we can show you all the good spots! 

the bug is 7 weeks

this little bug was 7 weeks old on tuesday. i can't believe time is going so fast. everyday she seems so much bigger to me. we are sure in love with our gwennie girl. 

she is still in her newborn clothes. i've tried some 0-3 month outfits and they are huge on her. honestly though i'm not sure how much longer she will be in newborn. we also still have her in newborn diapers but have started putting her in 1's at night. we have about 10 newborn diapers left and then i think we'll start using the 1's. 

she is a great little eater and has started getting faster and faster. much to my delight! we're still on a pretty set every 3 hour feeding during the day and 4 hours at night. i keep hoping she'll give us longer at night...maybe one of these days ;-)

gwen has started to make eye contact with us and every once in a while we'll get a really cute half smile. i keep waiting for the day we get a full blown smile out of her. she does love to smile right after she eats and is in the "milk drunk" stage. it's super cute. 

she loves to cuddle and will fall asleep as soon as she gets cuddled up to you. it makes getting anything done almost impossible but i wouldn't change that for the world. 

happy 7 weeks gwennie girl! 

gwennie girl is growing

(click the picture to see it bigger)

our gwennie girl is getting so big i can't even stand it! i'll do a good update soon but in the mean time here is a little week by week update. obviously my photography skills need some help. i'm working on that one i promise. 

it is so fun to see how much she changes in just a week. her little personality is coming through more and more each day. all i can say is that we're in for a treat with this little bug. i think she has some big plans for life and we're just along for the ride. i wouldn't want it any other way ;-) 

gwendolyn elizabeth....1 month

our little gwennie girl is officially one month old today! where in the world has this past month gone?

we are completely in love with our little gwen and can't imagine life without her. she is our constant entertainment. we mostly just sit and look at her all day.

gwen at one month:

-she is still our little peanut. at her last appointment she was 5 lbs 8 oz. but she had gained about an oz a day...which is a big deal.

-she spent her first 11 days of life in the nicu but was treated like a little queen there. all the drs and nurses said gwen was their favorite.

-she grunts and squeaks like crazy. we like to call her our little squeaker toy. at night we'll hear her grunt and go in to check and she is out...just likes to talk to us in her sleep. my favorite is when we get a bink in her and she grunts it sounds like she is talking to us.

-she sleeps in her crib at night. after two nights in our room with her grunts and squeaks we moved her to her own room.

-she doesn't hate tummy time but it isn't her favorite. she loves when dad will lay next to her and talk to her while on her tummy. she has managed to roll over back to her back a few times.

-she loves to eat. that is one thing she has been great at since the beginning.

-she hates her vitamins (because she was a premie we have to give her some multi vitamins daily) but we started putting them in a bottle with some milk and she does a lot better.

-she loves just hanging out on a blanket. she loves to move her arms and legs like crazy.

-the moment she gets in her car seat she is out. it's the perfect napping spot for her.

-she grew out of her premie clothes and diapers at 3 1/2 weeks. i cried as i put her little things away. newborn clothes are still a bit big but we manage.

-her eyes are getting lighter each day. we're both hoping she has blue eyes. we'll see! 

-she loves to be talked to. she is perfectly content to just sit and listen to us. spence loves to read to her and i love seeing her cute reaction to his voice. 

-she is a content happy baby and we couldn't be more grateful!

we are loving getting to know our sweet gwen's personality.  she brings such a beautiful light to our home. she has caused us both to slow down and focus on the most important things in life. can't wait to see what month two brings! 

it all started on a normal monday....

our lives completely changed on a tuesday. june 24th we welcomed our sweet baby girl to our family. everything started the day before. just a normal monday....

i had just returned from a trip to utah for work and to visit family. a couple of weeks before my feet, hands and face started swelling.  my dr wasn't too worried about the swelling but noticed my blood pressure was a little high at my previous appointment. i honestly didn't think too much about it. 

monday june 23rd i woke up and planned to get to work early. as it turns out i wasn't feeling so great. i worked from home for a bit and headed downtown when i started feeling better. i decided to drive. i had big plans to clean out my office and get prepared "just in case" baby decided to come a little early. haha

i had my normal 35 week drs appointment scheduled for 1:30pm. spence was able to get an hour lunch break so we decided to do a quick lunch before my appointment. i took my time getting to my appointment because last time i rushed and i had the high blood pressure. i was trying to avoid that scare (haha). i met up with spence and we grabbed a quick lunch at the hospital (luckily the hospital has a pretty great italian lunch spot that is great...my last meal for a long time). spence didn't have a ton of time but decided to come up with me to my dr.'s appointment. at least to hear baby girls heartbeat. looking back now this was a little blessing that he was able to come with me.

we got in pretty fast and the nurse took my urine sample (tmi???) and my blood pressure. it quickly became clear to us that she wasn't happy with my results. she rushed out and told us the dr would be in soon. my normal dr was on vacation in italy (so jealous) but luckily for us our favorite back up was available! dr chaudhari came in just a few mins later. she was worried about my high blood pressure and the protein in my urine. both signs of preeclampsia. 

some background....my mom had preeclampsia with my brother. it can sometimes run in a family so it had been in the back of my mind my entire pregnancy. when i started swelling up and gaining weight like crazy i started to think this might be an issue for me. 

we asked dr. chaudhari what this all meant. basically we were to go to triage and get monitored. depending on how things looked we could have our baby in 24-48 hours. honestly i felt fine. i really didn't expect us to have our baby girl. plus we were so not ready...our house was a mess, we didn't have hospital bags packed, we didn't even have a carseat (which ironically was our family home evening activity scheduled for that night). basically we were not ready for baby girl. i still had 5 weeks (at least). 

on our short walk to triage i turned to spence and asked him if he really thought it was possible for us to have a baby in the next 24 hours. his response...."yeah i think it's a good possibility". mine...."yeah right". 

to make a long story not as long we spent the next 7 hours in triage. my blood pressure was checked every 15 mins (i'm surprised i still have an arm after all of that) and baby girl was monitored. luckily she was doing great. me on the other hand not so great. they officially told me i had preeclampsia with severe features. basically things were not getting better. i honestly felt great though. i just wanted to go home, pack my hospital bags, stop at target and pick up some diapers and then go back. apparently the dr.'s didn't feel the same way. 

while in triage our sweet bishop came down to visit and he and spence gave me the most beautiful blessing. even though the situation was not great i was filled with the calm assurance that everything would be okay. at this point I knew our little girl was coming and that she would be okay. 

they finally decided to take us up to labor and delivery. at this point my mom had booked a flight and was on her way to chicago. the dr came in and quickly decided that baby girl needed to come out. we were so not prepared for this. i had big plans to have a natural birth. we had bigger plans to be prepared haha! 

at this point both of our phones were basically dead. spence was still in his scrubs and white coat and i had left our car at work. our good friends came to our rescue. they brought us phone chargers, a hair tie (my hair was driving me nuts), and picked up our car. what a blessing having friends that are basically family to come to our rescue (thanks david and katie!). 

we settled in for a long night of labor. i was scared to have them induce me. i had heard stories of how intense the process was and the pain involved. because of my high blood pressure i was put on medicine to avoid seizures. the meds were so intense that i was put on bed rest. this meant every "comfort measure" i had planned on went out the door. 

they started me on oxytocin about 10pm on monday night. it honestly wasn't as bad as i expected. 

my mom made it to the hospital around 12:30am. i had started progressing but just slowly. we spent the next few hours just passing the time. i tried to sleep but of course couldn't sleep. my nurse finally came in and told me they were going to break my water. at this point i decided to get an epidural. my contractions we getting more intense but honestly i was more afraid of having my water break without it. 

i got the epidural and they broke my water and at this point i was only at a 3. i think this was around 5am. honestly time didn't really exist for me. they came in to check me again around 7am and i was only at a 3.5. i asked the nurses how long it could take and they said maybe by late afternoon. i so did not what to be in labor that long. 

shortly after  though i started to feel some intense pain. i had the urge to push and decided to call my nurses back in. of course they thought i was a little crazy and told me that if the pressure was constant to call them again. 

after about 3 more minutes i couldn't take it. the pressure was intense and constant. i called them back. they called the resident in and sure enough i had gone from a 3.5 to a 10 in just a short time. i was ready to push. 

pushing was nothing like i expected. i guess i didn't know what to expect but it was hard, intense and wonderful. i felt so much more than i expected to feel with the epidural. my wonderful nurse counted me through each contraction. because of her i was able to stay calm and push my little bug out. 

after about 20 mins of pushing baby girl came right out! the nicu team was in there ready to check her out. i had wanted to do skin to skin but because of how early she was and her size they needed to take her first.

i remember just watching them on the side of the room with my baby girl. she finally started crying and so did i. spence and i just watched as they checked her out. i sat there just waiting to hear how big she was. finally they wrapped her up and brought her over to us. i was able to hold her for just a few mins. she was so tiny and so perfect. i couldn't believe our sweet baby girl was in my arms. they finally told us she was 4 pounds 8 ounces. i couldn't believe our gwen was so little but so perfect. 

we could only hold her for just a few minutes. they were worried about her breathing and needed to get her to the nicu. because of all the medicine they had me on i was kinda out of it. i didn't really know what was going on as they took her away. 

finally spence got word that she only had to have help breathing for 10 mins. her little lungs were doing great! 

because of how sudden everything had happened we didn't have anything with us (expect two borrowed phone chargers). after all day monday in triage and labor all night i felt like a mess. i wanted a shower to wash my hair. sadly i couldn't shower because of the meds and everything else that had happened. but, my two sweet nurses figured out a way to wash my hair. they wheeled me into the bathroom and together washed my hair for me. they combed it out after and helped me brush my teeth before heading up to the recovery room. i am so grateful for my incredible nurses who would take the time to wash my hair for me! it made me feel so much more alive and normal! 

we were able to stop in the nicu on our way up to recovery to see baby girl one more time. i didn't have a ton of time with her but it was such a miracle looking at our tiny bean! we were both completely in love with her from the first second. 

i had to stay on the meds for the next 24 hours. this meant i wasn't allowed to get out of bed. because of this i couldn't see my sweet baby girl again. she was on a floor down in the nicu and i was stuck in bed. the next 24 hours were some of the hardest i've had to experience. with a little scare because of a 

hemorrhage (long story.....we'll go there another time) i was watched even more closely and they made sure i didn't leave my bed...ugh! 

spence and my mom were able to go down and be with gwen which made me feel a little better. luckily i had some more incredible nurses who watched out for me and hung out with me during those long hours.

finally i was able to get off the meds, stand up, shower, eat and see my baby girl! 

we spent the next two days going between my recovery room for my blood pressure checks and pumping sessions (oh the joys) and visiting gwen in the nicu. we had big hopes that she would be able to go home with us but sadly our little one needed more time in the nicu. i was discharged late thursday night (you know i stayed till the very last minute!) 

baby girl spent the next 11 days in the nicu. it was a long couple of weeks but also pretty amazing. we had some of the most spiritual moments in our little nicu room. the spirit was so strong in her room. we knew she was never truly alone when we weren't there to cuddle her. gwen needed to come when she did and she made it clear she was going to be okay for us :-) 

in just a matter of a day our life changed completely. gwen became the most important thing to us. my job didn't matter anymore, school didn't matter anymore. it was all about our baby  girl and making sure she was okay. (and luckily both my job and the mr's school felt the same way and were SO great to us in letting us just be with gwen). 

the past 2 and a half weeks have been completely life changing and beautiful. i can't imagine my life without gwen. she is our family. she is our little fighter and all star. she was the most popular little bug in the nicu and honestly couldn't be more perfect. 

so our life changed on a tuesday and we couldn't imagine it any other way! 

thanks to the amazingly talented amy jo for capturing some of our first moments with gwen. these pictures mean more than you can ever imagine! 

gwendolyn elizabeth barfuss

at 9:30am on tuesday june 24th we welcomed our sweet baby girl, gwendolyn elizabeth barfuss, into our family. our little bug came 5 weeks early and a little small but is as perfect as can be.

gwendolyn elizabeth barfuss

4 pounds 8 ounces

17 3/4 inches long

born at 9:30 am

a day before, monday june 23rd, i went in for my 35 week doctors appointment. after a simple blood pressure check i was rushed over to the hospital. there i was told i had severe preeclampsia and for the safety of me and my sweet baby she would be coming soon.

i'll share the whole story soon. in the mean time we're thanking our heavenly father each day for our perfect gwen. we are also looking forward to the day we get to bring baby girl home. for now we're grateful that gwen is healthy, strong and so adorable!

now we're a family of 3!

uncle larry

the first time i met uncle larry he gave me a big hug and a kiss. he welcomed me to the family (long before the mr and i were engaged) and told me how lucky spence was to have me. i knew from day one he would always be my favorite. 

uncle larry will always hold a very special place in my heart. for anyone that has met uncle larry you know...he is just that kind of person. 

.........................

to the man who called me seattle,

i want you to know how much i love you and how deeply you will be missed. you brought so much light and happiness into our lives. in the short few years that you were my uncle you made me laugh more than i can count. you made me feel special and loved. you made me feel like i was your favorite (even though i am just an in law). you drove halfway across the country with my sweet husband so i could stay home a little longer with my family. that meant so much to me. you always remembered what was going on in my life and asked me about work, friends and everything else under the sun. you were the biggest tease and always had a good joke to share. you had this amazing ability to light up a room every time you came in. you made everyone around you feel welcomed and loved. you brought us all closer together. 

thank you for being my uncle. for loving and supporting me and my sweet husband. for calling to tell us you are proud of us. thank you for calling me seattle. it may sound funny but i loved that i had a special nickname. 

i know we will see each other again. for that i am most grateful. in the mean time please watch over the entire b. family. we will continue to need your love, laughter and happiness in our lives. i am excited to tell my children about their great uncle larry. tell them what an incredible man you were and how you taught me that sometimes life is hard...but in those times you smile and laugh as much as you can! 

i love you uncle larry. we love you. 

-seattle

a med school update...end of m2 year

as of yesterday the mr is officially finished with his m2 year. this may not seem like a big deal...but let me tell you it is! finishing m2 means no more science lectures, no more random small groups, no more monthly tests, no more late night studying for tests, etc. northwestern has taught spence all he needs to know (or at least we hope so). 

so coming from his very proud (and extremely biased) wife...he did amazingly! he is a smart man to start with but he has worked so hard to learn all he can learn and to truly understand everything he can about the body and medicine. it has been so fascinating for me hearing all he has learned. a few times lately he has been explaining something to me and my first thought "wow he really does know a ton" haha! 

we spent last night celebrating with our med school family. how grateful i am for awesome friends who are on this journey with us. we sat and laughed at the restaurant for hours. it was the perfect way to end the year. 

what now?

well the studying isn't over (and probably will never be). the mr. takes the "step 1" or first round of boards in april. this is a big test to prove he really does know stuff about stuff. this score will help determine the residency program he will go into. it's a pretty intense test. think about mcat but about 10 times more intense (or maybe i just think that).

so for the next 5 weeks my husband will be studying non-stop. we've made a plan to take an 1.5 hour break each evening to have dinner and go to the gym together. other than that i am giving my sweet husband to the books. i know it's only 5 weeks but this has been something super hard for me to accept. i love my time with my husband. so it will be hard, but so worth it. the better he can do on this test the better off we are for being able to make our own decisions on our future. 

while the mr spends his days (and nights) studying, i'll be working on long forgotten projects. i also have a huge list of projects for baby that i need to work on. i'll find some good things to keep me busy..hopefully!

after his big ol' test in april, the mr will start rotations. northwestern is kinda cool and has it's students start rotations a few weeks before "normal". this is to give them a few more weeks to add in some more rotations. this is great for us because we (yep we) have not decided what speciality spence will go into. i'm just so excited to see what he likes and what he doesn't. 

we've heard the m3 year is the worst. long hours, long days, long weeks of working in the hospital. i'm a bit nervous doing m3 with a newborn but we've going to work together has a little family and make it great. i've already promised the mr that if we only has 1 hour break at 1 am baby and i will come and bring him dinner. it will be a fun adventure! 

so we're slowly but surely making our way through this whole medicine future. we've been on this road for over 4 years now. crazy to think how far we've come. i'm so proud of my sweet husband for making the most out of these past few years. for working so hard and giving up so much so we have a better future. i am also so grateful that one of the main reasons he wants to be a dr is so that he can help others! how sweet is that! 

here is to surviving the next 5 weeks and starting m3. i think this year will be my favorite year. i'll get to see my cute husband in scrubs and we'll add a little bug to the mix. life just keeps getting better and better! 

just a little girls trip!

it was officially decided last year that every february a girls trip was in order. this year wasn't any different. my amazing mom planned an incredible week in del mar california for the girls. the weather in chicago was horrible leading up to my trip so needless to say i was excited for some sun. 

the trip was simply perfect. we stayed at my aunt and uncles incredible condo (talk about interior designers heaven) with the most amazing view of the ocean. we could walk about the door and in about 2 seconds end up at the beach! 

we spent the week shopping, exploring new fun streets, playing at the beach, eating way too many good treats and even hit up the san diego zoo. i loved being with lainey bug. it seems like she grows two years every time i see her again. i love that she would chat with me and tell me stories. she would also give baby cousin kisses. melted my heart! 

mom and lainey bug. i think lainey loved having grandma around 24/7. i think grandma liked it too ;-)

just some more fun in the sun! 

just two bumps. megs is due in just a couple of weeks. how fun to have cousins so close together!

i would walk with lainey to the ocean to get water for her sand. every time she would turn around and say "bye guys, we'll be right back...stay there". seriously the cutest little girl!

best group shot we could get at the zoo! 

just some random fun with my best friend! so grateful to have her as my mom // lainey came out one more and said "sydney i found your jewelry"....always so helpful! 

some more fun at the zoo. lainey bug loved seeing all the animals and kept asking to "see more manamals" // don't mind the fat pregnant lady eating ice cream as big as her face....it was needed!  

the view from the patio. a view like this can cure any winter blues! 

all the heaton girls! 

saying goodbye was heartbreaking. the week went by way too fast. i cried the whole last day. it's hard saying goodbye to my mom. i'll see her again in a couple of months but for some reason being away is getting harder and harder. 

thanks mom for the most amazing week! it was so nice to take a break from life and get spoiled from my momma! i am so grateful for your incredible example. i hope i can be half the mom you are for my little ones. 

counting down the days to next years girls trip!!!!

a little family photo shoot

thanks amy jo for the most beautiful pictures! i'm so happy you caught these simple moments. our first officially family photo shoot as a little family of 3!!!! loved being able to include our little bug in these photos. i was 13 weeks along when we took these.