so today i felt like being honest. growing up is hard sometimes. i've always had a plan. a direction to go. for me it was go to school, go to more school, and maybe even more school, get married, have a family, live happily ever after. you don't really think about what happens after school. or after you reach your goal. when life is stagnant.
so i graduated last year. i was sad about not going to school but it was okay because i just started working a great job. but here i am this year. i am still working a great job (which i love) but here is the deal...i do work my dream job but now i'm working from home. i don't get out much (though i'm trying to be better at this), i wake up each day, work, eat, hang out with spence for a bit and go to bed. that's it. each and every day. i'm not really working towards anything anymore. i'm not going back to school like lots of my friends. i'm not preparing for graduate school like so many around me. i'm not preparing for a baby or "nesting" like many of my friends. i'm simply doing this. working each and everyday.
though i am very grateful for my job. i get to work from chicago. keep doing what i love for an incredible company. i get to help the hurt of student loans. support my husband. i really am grateful for that. but i can't fight this feeling of not progressing. i've overcome my big goals. graduate...check. find a job...check. move to chicago...check. now what?
has anyone else struggled with feelings like this? i need your advice and suggestions. i think i need a hobby. or something to help myself grow. i need some motivation in my life. but i'm struggling to find it. please tell me i'm not alone.
it may sound funny but i know there is happiness in day to day life. just because we aren't having a baby, or buying a house, or having awesome adventures we can be happy. i know that. but sometimes the day to day life is the hardest. it's stagnant.
I feel ya sister. I have felt that way time and time again throughout my life. And you know what? Even after big life events, in a few months I feel the exact same way all over again. After Minnie was born my whole life changed. Things were so exciting and different for the first three months or so. And then, all of a sudden, I got used to the whole 'mom' thing and my life was stagnant again. Of course it had more meaning and I loved being a mom, but I felt like I was kind of just cruising, not really working toward something anymore. I think the trick for me has been setting goals for myself, and that usually involves serving other people. Bob and I have tried to make new friends, invite people over for dinner, get better at our VT and HT, babysit so people can go on a date night. I feel like it's in serving other people that I create and strengthen relationships and find real meaning in my life. I'm sorry for the long comment, but I've just been there recently and have been thinking about this a lot. I appreciate your honesty.
ReplyDeleteSyd! I have honestly been going through the exact same thing this last week. It's especially hard because my hubs started school again just like Spenc did. So I feel like I get to watch him continue to progress and work towards something while I'm just sitting around. My job is great too, but I still feel like I need to be doing something more. I recently talked to a good friend about all of this and she said something that really stuck with me. She said "This is your time to find out what you love and to actually do it." We have a ton of free time on our hands so we need to work on finding our passions. I am actually signing up for a cake decorating class at a local craft store. It's something I've always wanted to do, so I'm going to do it! I'm not sure about your exact situation, but you should find something you've always dreamed of doing and just do it too! We will wish for these days when we get older and have a family. Just remember that the Lord is with you in all things. Love you girl!
ReplyDeleteYou will have these feelings through out your life. I think these times are meant for growth. (I know, yuck) I have found the only way I get out of these gloomy days is to serve. (I know, yuck) I sound just like a mom, don't I? Oh wait, I am!!! And I am yours!!! I love you and pray for you each day. I went through this when I moved away. And again when you were all in school. And again, when you all moved away. Use this time to discover yourself. I love you more than most!!
ReplyDeleteI've totally felt like that sometimes! I go crazy if I don't have a "side project" or short/long term goals to work for. Unfortunately I stink at crafting... so my "projects" are usually some new event or race to train for. But I agree with whats been said above... this is the time to do anything you want! Whatever you have an interest in, let yourself have time everyday to work on it. :) You deserve to have some "you time" every day!
ReplyDeleteI feel like I could have written this post (except mine wouldn't have been as eloquent and well-written) I have felt this a lot since graduating also. I was always so focused on school and more school and just working hard with those goals that once it was over I felt like I had nothing to do. The times that I have felt the best since graduating is when I have been serving (like everyone else said) or trying a new goal even if it was as simple as reading 10 more minutes a day in the scriptures. I feel that this might be life off and on for the rest of our lives so if you find something good to fix it let me know (you would be my hero). I think trying to reach out to people that you do know also helps me when I feel it and then I usually find someone who feels the way I do and that is comforting! Lets grow this year together and learn a new skill!
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely not alone Syd! I know it is hard, but you will find a great groove in your new city/home, and it will happen sooner than you think. For now, try and make a really good effort at putting yourself out there, meeting new people, and get out of the house everyday! I have to remind myself of that last one all the time.
ReplyDeleteSo I just discovered your blog and I wanted to say a few things... #1 I like your blog a lot. Hooray! #2 I have felt the same way. It helped me to first make sure that I was doing all the the things I new I was supposed to be doing with a real effort. Then I start goal setting in other aspects of my life that are not stressing me out- make a goal to do a new project every month, or do something hobby-related each week.
ReplyDeleteSydney! Let's hang out! I feel the same way girlfriend. Love, Katie Sharrah
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you've been feeling like this lately. I felt like that a lot at my teaching job - like I was always waiting for the next stage of life or the next thing to happen instead of enjoying the stage I was in. Does that make sense? It reminds me of the "Waiting Place" in Dr. Seuss's book Oh, the Places You'll Go (have you read that?). It's always hard when you get stuck in a rut and feel like things are not progressing (I feel like that now that Dan's off being busy with school and new exciting things). We should start a new hobby together if you want to! I've wanted to take up knitting or some other craft. Let me know if you ever want to hang out or just get out of the house for a walk! I'm up for it anytime.
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