Wednesday, April 24, 2013

infertility. love.

so this week is infertility awareness week. honestly i didn't really know that. until i got a few texts from friends and family. haha, sometimes i forget that i'm part of this club. the world of infertility. maybe it's a good thing that i forget..just sometimes ;-) i don't want all my posts to be about infertility. because there is so much else going on in my life. so much to share. to be happy about. and that proves to my future kids i was once cool. but for today i wanted to post this. i hope that is okay. 

the other day a beautiful girl that i know posted about her struggle with infertility. i had no idea that her and her husband had been dealing with this. as i read her blog i was reminded, and overcome with emotion, that i'm not the only one in this boat.

i am not the only one who has tear stains on her pillow cases
i am not the only one who spends hours online searching for answers and possible cures
i am not the only one who looks at pregnant women and think "they have it so good"
i am not the only one who tries not to get their hopes up each month, but always thinks "but this is it"
i am not the only one who knows the heartache of seeing 1 line
i am not the only one who knows the pain of the first "red spot"
i am not the only one who has those nights, where crying myself to sleep just feels okay
i am not the only one who wants to raise beautiful, smart and righteous children
i am not the only one

so today i'm posting about infertility. and not because of me. but today i'm posting for all the others who are like me. who truly understand the heart of a waiting mother to be.

during the past two years i have learned so much. about myself. about god. about my savior. about my life and my plan. about love. and about infertility. i could go on and on about all the tips, tricks, hints, medications, things to do and things not to do and such dealing with infertility. but today i am going to remember the most important thing that i have learned.

i am loved.

most importantly i am loved by a most glorious father in heaven. i may not understand his timing. but i understand his love. and in those moments where i don't think it will be enough. it is. it always is.

i am loved by my sweet husband. he holds me on those hard days. he stays away in those moments i need to be alone. he buys me cokes and cupcakes when i need them. and researches new ideas to solve our problem. he talks about our babies. and how much he loves them. and he loves me. completely.

i am loved by an incredible family. who are always there to support me. support us. to give us comfort when we need it. or laugh with us when we need that as well.

i am loved by so many wonderful friends. some who just "know" me. and who, during those hard times, call because they were thinking about me. or text me because they somehow knew i needed it. who left me vent and just be me.

i thought i knew how much i was loved before all of this. little did i know. it's funny. i hear new mom's say all the time "i never knew how much i could love before i had my baby". and that may be true. but for me i never knew how much i could love before i started trying to have a baby. during these past couple of years my ability to love and to be loved and grown. to something so beautiful. and something i cherish.

and in the end. if i get pregnant or not. it's all about love. and in the end, that is enough.

so for infertility awareness week this is my hope. that people become more aware of the need to love. to love those around you. to love those whose hearts break each day.

because i am not the only one. for those i share my love.

i wasn't going to add a picture but for some reason this one just stuck with me. 


  1. Well, you got tears rollin down my face right now. I don't have infertility issues but I have issues I deal with. I sit & feel sorry for myself all the time. And that's definitely not the way to look at life. Infertility kills me to think about. And it very easily could be possible with my situation. Either way, I have learned a lot from you. You really aren't alone. & Boy, do I love that picture.

    Thank you for sharing, especially from your heart. I loved it.

  2. i am not married yet so i dont suffer with infertility(who knows that the future holds!) but I just wanted to say thank you for being so brave and for sharing your thoughts! thank you for this post! you said such uplifiting things that i needed to hear today!thank goodness for the Atonement and Heavenly Father's and the Savior's love that cover everything.


  3. Great post. We love you and pray for you daily. You are so strong and Heavenly Father knows that. Your words are true. You are an amazing women and daughter of Heavenly Father. Keep your chin high tell spency we love him and thank him for taking care of our sis. MUAH!!! Always know you can call me anytime no matter what its about good bad vent cry even though you are forever away you can still lean on my shoulder over the phone.



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