oh summer

growing up summer was the best. it was new saltwater sandals, running through sprinklers and eating push pops. it was family vacations and trips to the cabin. it was warm and happy and light. 

the other night i a few minutes to just think. i started going through pictures of my summer at efy. i thought to myself "wow that was the summer of change" and realized that the past 7 summers have been summers of change for me. 

-7 years ago i graduated high school and started college. this was a pivotal summer for me, like most i would guess. i think it was the first time i found myself thinking "what am i doing with my life". i spent a lot of time on night time drives with best friends discussing life, our goals and our dreams. i thought i was so grown up then! 

-6 years ago i was an efy counselor. honestly it was this summer that saved me. i was really struggling at the end of my freshman year. it was a good year but also one of the hardest of my life. i started efy with the intent of leaving byu and transferring up to the u. that summer i met some of the most incredible people. i learned more about who i was, what i wanted with my life and where i needed to be. luckily i decided to stay at byu for at least one more year. i changed my major after this summer and started truly living life.

-5 years ago i went to jerusalem for a study abroad. again another summer that saved me. i never really wanted to go to jerusalem. when i got in i brushed it off and decided not to go. luckily heavenly father had another plan for me. after a few horrible weeks i changed my mind and decided to go. best decision yet. it was this summer that i came to understand who i was in the eyes of my savior. i knew what was ahead of me. i didn't know how everything would work out but i knew it would. about a week after i got home from jerusalem, all renewed and energized, i met my mr. 

-4 years ago i got married to my best friend. this summer was both long and short at the same time. obviously this summer changed my life. i got a new name, a new husband and started a new life. it was beautiful. i was able to do one last week of efy and said goodbye to that part of my life (easier said than done). i moved home for a little while and was able to spend time being a daughter and getting spoiled by my parents. i connected with old friends and prepared myself for a new life. this new life was more natural than i expected. i guess that is how i knew it was right. it was the summer of us!

-3 years ago i graduated college and started working full time. this may seem simple to most but it was a big deal for me. for so long school had been my life. after graduation i had to think long and hard about what i really wanted to do. though i loved my major i had other interests that i wanted to pursue. a few months of soul searching and job searching i finally decided to just take a job and work on my dreams later. turns out my "just take a job" job would let me fulfill my dreams. i transitioned to working full time, loss of afternoon naps and real grown-up life. 

-2 years ago we packed up our little life and moved to chicago. we were able to live with my parents for a month or so before we moved. this time was wonderful (at least for me). moving was hard. probably more emotionally hard which i guess is to be expected. but in the end we both knew that we were meant to be in chicago. within the last few weeks left in utah everything fell into place. we packed up our life, said goodbye to our families and started a new adventure in the windy city. i learned a lot about us during this summer. i learned how to better rely on my husband for support and love. i learned to trust him and our heavenly father. i learned that saying goodbye isn't really goodbye. 

-1 year ago i hit another major road block in life. i had my third miscarriage in a row. at this point i was exhausted, confused, upset and just done. after a lot of prayer, fasting, dr.'s appointments and tests we were faced with the reality that getting a baby here might not be as easy as we would have hoped and on top of that they couldn't explain why. it was an extremely hard decision but we both decided we needed a break. a break from the stress, the worry, the pain and heartache. we decided to not make any huge decisions and just take some time to be us. finally, after a few years of holding on, stepping away let us both breath and relax. it was another summer of us. 

-this summer it seems our little life will change dramatically again. spence has started his 3rd year of medical school, i am in a new position at work, we will celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary and probably biggest of all...we'll welcome our sweet baby girl to the family. if you asked me where i would be this time last year i would have never been able to predict life would have turned out this way. honestly i never wanted a summer baby. but our little miracle decided she wanted to come now (and on our wedding anniversary actually). so now we're faced with even more changes. i'm trying to adjust to nesting and working at the same time. prepare myself to be a mom and prepare everything else around me. i'm trying to focus on learning more about myself and about my relationship with my savor. i'm trying to trust the spirit more to direct me and help me understand all these exciting changes. 

i guess summer is just the time for change for the b. family. we've been through a few really hard summers but also a some really great summers. and despite all the hard times i'm grateful they have taken us to where we are now. so here's to another summer. another summer of change and growth. i guess at this point i should realize life won't ever stop changing.  

now all i need are some new saltwater sandals, a beach, some push pops and light and happiness! good thing i can find those all in chicago...i know right?

just because nothing says summer like a just out of the pool, beach in the background, palm trees swaying kind of picture!